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Whatever you call it, you didn t work yesterday,
and I did.
With Jackson, right? Annie leaned forward.
Okay, now I get it. What did the bastard do to you
now?
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The memory of her spanking, and then their
ferocious lovemaking, made her blush.
What he did to me, indeed.
Never mind about him. We need to plan
tomorrow, even though the day will be lighter than
usual. I m going to call all the potential clients
who ve asked me for more information. Maybe
some of them are ready to schedule a job, or are at
least ready to hear about what SweetKakes can do
for them. Some of our standard doughs are in short
supply making more for the freezer would help.
Can you take care of that?
Sure.
We always have shopping to do, it seems. We
can do that together at some point. You always
have interesting ideas springing to mind when
you re surrounded by food, so I want you along.
Shopping will be so much easier when you don t
need crutches any more. Tell me again, when do
you get your walking cast?
Not for another month, I think, Annie sighed.
Lena scribbled some notes. I guess that s it.
You and Ricky can go play now, if you want.
We can? Her sister s eyes lit with pleasure.
Sure, go on, party at the beach, even.
Annie reached across the small table to hug her
sister, spilling her coffee as she did so. You are the
rockingest sister in the whole world. Don t wait up
for me tonight.
Two hours later, her sister had been gone for
ninety minutes, and Lena was bored. The novel
she d started wasn t sweeping her away, and the
events of last night weighed heavily on her.
Besides, she had a neck cramp from trying to read
while lying on her stomach. Sitting for any length of
time distracted her from the reading material. She
clasped her bottom and rubbed. Jackson had
walloped her, all right. And she d deserved it. But
she didn t deserve the way he ran out, full of anger
and bitterness and completely self-involved.
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You idiot, of course he was self-involved. He s
being sued! Still, best to forget about him, at least
for now.
She walked around the third floor, seeing it with
fresh eyes. She d never finished her bedroom. The
incomplete paint job on the walls, the cardboard
boxes full of miscellaneous items, and the pictures
to hang all screamed transient. Did she care so little
for her private space that she couldn t be bothered
to hang her much-loved art and photos? She
thumbed through the frames: Betsy Bennett s
Glory Be , Van Gogh s Irises , a photo montage of
her and Annie, and a caricature of the two of them,
done at some now-forgotten grand opening.
At least, her photo of Mama with her two
daughters was on her dresser. That and one of her
mother s quilts saved the room from resembling
impersonal, run-down motel decor.
Annie s been right all along. I need to get a life.
Tears flooded her eyes, spilling down her
cheeks. Her life, so full of deadlines and
appointments and chores, hid great emptiness, like
a beautiful, two-dimensional façade propped from
behind. The face she showed to the world was fast
becoming who she was. She took care of everything
and everyone except herself.
She found a hammer and some picture hangers.
In the past, she d convinced herself that she d never
hung anything because she had to finish painting
her room, but it had been over a year since she d
picked up a roller. Eventually, she d turn all the
walls pale teal and the woodwork cream, but for
now she needed a little burst of pleasure each time
she gazed around the room.
Barely fifteen minutes later, she studied the
objects of her labor. She liked her room much more
with precious keepsakes on the walls. But it was still
only make-do, only things a person could see. What
about her inner self? Did she still have one?
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She walked into the other room on the floor, her
office-slash-storage area. It resembled someone s
half-finished garage, despite the computer and
secondhand desk. She d had the ceiling replastered
and some of the walls replaced because long-ago
roof leaks had ruined them. Now all she could see
was a room half-covered with cheap plastic
paneling, half with raw sheetrock. No wonder she
never wanted to linger on her floor, never did much
more than sleep, dress, and enter data quickly into
her records. Run-down motel decor would have
been a giant step up for the room.
She sat on the floor, overwhelmed by weariness
and loneliness. She didn t care enough about herself
to make her areas of the house welcoming. She
cared even less about her inner needs, it seemed.
Chaos alternating with fits of rigid control ruled her
life. She could hardly remember a time when it had
not been so.
The large window beckoned to her, urged her to
seek the skies as she usually did in early evening.
Too many clouds to see Venus, though. Too many
clouds in her mind, in her heart, in her life, stifling
the rays of pure need she held inside.
She needed to be loved. She needed to be
needed, by someone besides her sister: a partner, a
soul mate, a lover. Maybe even a husband. When
had she stopped dreaming of more out of life?
Maybe she never really started dreaming. She
locked herself into her world and surrounded its
perimeter with razor wire. It had sliced both her and
Jackson to ribbons, and yet he had kept trying to
connect with her until she d dumped the UniMed
job on him, causing him to lose his customers and
get sued. No wonder he ran out last night. Who
would want to deal with her own anger, her own
bitterness?
By assuming he d been out to ruin her business,
she d ruined his, and had lost the best chance she d
ever found for happiness and love. She did love
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him, but now he was gone, and it was all her own
fault. Boy, if there were a prize for stupid, she d
take the blue ribbon.
Her control broke as enormous, gasping sobs
erupted from her, crying for every wasted
opportunity, every pleasure she d resisted, every
day she devoted to duty, shutting out love. She lay
weeping on the dusty floor until she fell into an
exhausted, dreamless sleep.
___________________
One month later
Lena lazed in the late June sun, a diet cola in
her hand. It was one of those rare summer days
with a perfectly blue sky, a dewpoint around fifty,
and just-right warmth, and she couldn t get enough
of it. She d finished her luncheon job today and was
facing a rare free weekend, despite high wedding
season. The only month as busy as June for
weddings was October. Maybe it was the foliage.
A part of her fretted that she wouldn t make any
money this weekend, but she was attempting to
enjoy the present more these days. Mama s early
death should have taught her that life is short, if it
had taught her anything.
Annie had visited the doctor yesterday and now
sported a walking cast. On the way home, she d
crowed that she could beat Lena at climbing the
stairs. Of course, it hadn t been true, but the two of
them had enjoyed racing up and down the steps
while Ricky kept time with his combo stopwatch-
wristwatch, the three of them giggling all the while.
She d taken down the items on her bedroom
walls, but only temporarily, and had finished
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